Not Such a Stranger

In the depths of my desperation, I began placing balls around Northwest Portland, hoping that maybe people might not be so intimidated and feel the inclination to participate in this experiment.  Several days passed, and I had still not received a story- until yesterday.  The woman who ended up giving me this story had written that she had walked around the block, finding and exchanging different balls until she settled on the one she kept.  She sent me the story below, and though quite short, the canon it describes reverberates in me, as I am the daughter of a deceased woman, and often catch myself using her milestones as ways to measure my progress.

"I feel like my entire adulthood has been seasoned by fear and desire.  I desire recognition, success, the turning point.  I fear I won't be around long enough to reach these things.  My mother passed away at 49.  I turn 42 in a few days.  My whole life has revolved around performance of some sort or another- dance, modeling, clothing design, now music.  Through all endeavors, I reached small goals, but switched fields before anything concrete could come of it...Music stuck.  Music has somewhat released me from having an immature philosophy of success.  In a business-sense, everything is changing in the music industry, and I don't have the ability or desire to chase pop-stardom, so the thing I desire is the freedom to pursue.  I started late.  My first tour is this spring, and my heart and soul hold no jaded sentiments, so I suppose the fear lies in ageing, losing my voice, losing hope.  I'm currently working a part-time job and on foodstamps.  I also have a 14-year old daughter, who hopefully will take from me this desire to pursue what you believe- she knows the risks and the benefits.  Desire wins out over fear, almost every time."


I guess there is not much to add, though I must mention that I am in awe of anyone who continues to stretch herself in this manner in order to grow.  A fine example for anyone's daughter to follow.